pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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