how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
