so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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