you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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