Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
