I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I sprained my soul last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
