It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
