It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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