Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
