Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
