Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
