Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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