What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
