i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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