I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
