i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
