He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
