i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
