Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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