i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
