next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
