Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
