my mouth tastes like poor choices
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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