I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He felt like a one man threesome
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The air was thick with penises
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
