Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
