I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ok first of all what the fuck
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
