is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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