I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
