I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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