Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
