New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
