What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
