champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
