This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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