just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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