Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
