Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
