Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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