Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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