i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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