no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
