Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize