I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
