I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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