So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
