So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
