weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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