Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
