I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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