Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
PANTIES FOUND
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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