these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize