You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
