I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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