tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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