the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
