Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
