bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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