We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
