Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up

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(480): View more from Arizona

Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.

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(631): View more from New York

beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.

(616): View more from Michigan

The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...

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(419): View more from Ohio

I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO

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(913): View more from Kansas

It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church

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