Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
