just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
