I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
