i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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