I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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