No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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