don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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