i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
