everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
me + whiskey = a bad person
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
