he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
