I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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