you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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