I wannas sexs uuuuu
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
